Going down, baby!

I'm completely out of money so it's bringing me down in the pothole. I'm down on my luck, baby. I'm enjoying the downfall of my money. I'm wasting every penny on personal needs. It's kinda sad because I run into the hole all the time. Hmmm, no help from anybody but myself because I'm I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T! I'm just waiting patiently for a good financial blessing. Maybe I need to stop offering services for free and start charging because I'm tired of not having any money but the money I make through associates. I'm holding on and thinking, I'm going to soon be blessed with some money, hopefully. I will be ok. Goddamn, life has got me caught up. I don't depend on anybody for money so it's kind of hard to take anything from people. Geez, Louise. Good lord, why in the hell am I falling. I'm supposed to be prosperous. What is going on? I can't even hold myself together because I'm shocked over it. Things are getting expensive in this world and I can't afford items as much as I used to. I believe I need to slow down and spend wise so I don't keep running myself out of money. I have to remember I'm the only person I really got in life so got to do what's best for me. I will soon learn my lesson. Life sucks but I'm going to deal with it. I love life somewhat now since it's better but what's the most stressful thing in my life is that I depend on myself the most. My independence has made me a better, stronger, wiser person. Hmmm, I think I'm not going down now. I seem pretty confident about the situation. I won't crash ever! I'm going to try to love life and succeed. I'm a man and I do cry so yeah, it's ok to cry if you are a man. Tragedy or devastation can make a person cry so use it as an excuse.

Happy now?

I'm completely feeble minded, torn from the bone, and finally on lock down. What is keeping me bounded is the way I'm getting treated and my privates thoughts that are constantly weakening my soul and mind. I'm risking my life by making sacrifices. It's hard because I'm not helping myself at all through the process. The crying is over in my life but the pain is hurting my soul and I'm growing more inferior to people. I hate the way I sometimes feel inside. I can't even show what I'm feeling because it's too much of a hustle to my heart. I can explain it though... My tongue sometimes get a feeling of bursting out the truth. My heart sometimes get the feeling of coming out and confronting people with my anger. My life sometimes get the feeling of isolation. What is wrong? My soul is weakening from it all. Some people I want to blame for it but I can't because I don't like to blame people. There's one person that I do want to confront and tell them congratulations for winning the award of weakening my soul by emotionally abusing me. She's a woman and I believe she doesn't deserve any respect from me but I still give respect because I'm generous. In my dream I wished I could back five years from now but I can't. I'm now left at the edge of cliff thinking about jumping but I still oppose of it because I got a sweet life ahead of me. One thing I want to say is, I'm going to move on with my life and forget about the overwhelming, overbearing abuse I had to go through just to get to this point of life. Life is better for me, I'm completely emotionally sick from abuse. I will ask the question to the person that did abuse me if she is happy now? I love her but don't want to have anything to do with her. She can get a life for all I care.

Kudos to somebody.

I was reading another person's blog and it was great. Perfect note on the blog! I actually learned more about the person reading the blog. Oh my god, the blog was great. In the note, from his beginning to ending it explains how the person started out his high school years naive then by the end of his high school years he notices that writing made him a self-conscious and better person. In the note, he believed as the years moved by, after his sophomore year, he became wiser and he start to notice some of his talents. In his junior year, the awareness of writing became his interest. He mentioned that blogging and writing allowed him to get his feelings out. He also mentioned even though he was writing to get his feeling s out, it still didn't allow him to really express what he was truly feeling in his heart. At the moment reading the note, it turned me on. I was interested in knowing more about his drive of interest because to this day I relate to his situation. Anyways, I can't say anything else because I am shocked about it. I feel as if that person could be me or I can be him. Times before, I had negative impressions about the guy but now I feel different about him and I feel what he feels. The note was great because it's the beauty of relativity. It taught me how people can be similar in a way but live different lives. The note was a good reading and I loved it. I'm sure the guy will be successful in life.

Fearless

Fear is just excitement for an attitude, I don't believe in fearing anything. I might run across something that might seem weird first time but I eventually get over it. I try not to have fear in anything I do, see or discover because fear shows weakness and I don't want to be known as a weak person. I'm strong willing and non-god fearing person. I wouldn't want to change for anything. I think I have gotten so far down the road that I should continue going without fearing anything. Where I been is a place nobody would want to go so it's a reason why I don't fear anything. My life experiences are extremely bad, this is another reason I don't fear. I want to be strong and be a beast through the storm of fire.

Life, money and success.

Crashed.

I wish I was homed school. I hate school. If teachers and friends don't care about me, I shouldn't really care about them. It's not just school, people in general are making me sick. I feel like just saying, "Screw em' all!" It's not the appropriate way to go about a situation though. I wish I could just run away from home and teach myself the things I need to know in life. I'm going to succeed in life, I'm not going to be a failure. People who believe I will stray away from achieving are the people who are wrong. I just want to get the hell away from everybody. It seems as if I been creating hell for myself every since I been trying to make friends and love out of nothing. I call it a pothole full of demons. I believe love,respect, and acceptance are the three, most important attributes of life. Sometimes I feel as if those attributes has faded. People, life and attributes are the levels of the game. If so it is true, the game is over. It would be much better for me to be the only person living on Earth. This whole place is just crashed... Humans are sometimes not the best and it's sickening.

Sincerely,

Demetre Phipps

Acceptance

Life, love and acceptance. Growing up in this world has been hard. I been observing people's actions towards me and I been feeling inferior to all people because I realize I'm not like others. So many times I was wished I could be like everybody else but I can't. It's sad because I've isolated myself from everybody, even my relatives just because I'm different... Different as in I don't fit in. Everyday I encourage myself not to complain because I know for sure that their are others out here in this world that is suffering like me. Tell me why? "Every day I ask myself what will I have to prove to be man?(Declan, 2006)." Hmmm, I think I will be just fine though. I'm confident that I'm going to get through the storm without any scars. "Tell me why does it have to be like this.[...] I don't understand, when somebody needs somebody, we don't give a helping hand.(Declan Galbraith)" Tell me why? I try not to question a lot but sometimes I need answers. What's good though, I question for the good of me. Questioning is making me a better person. It's a way of getting answers for encouragement and inspiration. I need love, life, and acceptance. God only knows how I feel. ...

Just the same...

Everything is to gain, noting is to lose! Working so hard but not getting anything out of it. It's the hardest thing to do when there isn't any motivation or hope. Life can be a bitch sometimes. Trying the best to be the best at age 17 years old. I have my cries through it all. In respect of me, I keep doing the best I can though. Nothing is going to get me down because I'm a good example of being a real man. Even though everything keeps staying the same, I still do something to try to change. GI'm a good person for doing what I do. Only if people knew me and seen the things I do. Sad thing, only God knows....